“Why are you crying?”
“Mummy took my trains away”
“Why did she do that?”
“I was sad.”
Why did mummy take the trains though?”
“She made me so sad.”
“I can see that.”
“Why did I take your trains though Harry? I gave you a choice”
“I was crying.”
“So why did mummy take them away?”
“I gave you a choice Harry. I said you could either pick up the ones you’d thrown across the kitchen and turn them off or I would pick them up and then take them away. What did you choose?”
“Where did your fizzy lemon go Daddy?”
“I drank it. But hang on. Harry. TELL DADDY. WHY DID MUMMY TAKE YOUR TRAINS AWAY?”
“My fizzy lemon is in the kitchen. You want to come with me?”
“I have to do work. Why doesn’t Mummy go with you.”
“Mummy needs to sit here. Daddy, come.”
“Daddy has to work. Go and show mummy.”
“You play trains daddy?
“But Mummy took your trains away.”
“You play football mummy?”
This. This is why toddler should be in government. This is why they should be lawyers. This is why they should be in advertising. This is why I’m amazed they are not taking over the world.
Mind games. Evading every question. Mastery in diversion. You leave every conversation having agreed to an extension on bedtime, cupcakes as snacks and an Amazon order of 5 wooden locomotives to compliment the 46 others he has.
Anyone else? Please say I’m not the only one under the thumb of a three-year-old spin doctor. Share with me your stories of manipulation and diversionary tactics.