Day 19 – Daily Lockdown-wins Diary

Old Me, New Me… Just Me.

The old Karen could run 12 kilometres home, after a day at work.

Old me could stay up till 1am, carousing on a school night, and still deal with life in the morning.

The old me had a packed social calendar and it meant nothing to get a bus, tube and train to go for a glass of wine.

I miss the old me.

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New me will actively choose the lunch without bread.

New Karen will not raid the snack cupboard when she hits the 3pm sugar low.

The new Karen will be a model of health and fitness to Harry.

I can’t wait to present new me to the world!

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But what about now. What about me. Here. In the midst of a global pandemic. Surviving. Smiling.

It occurred to me today that I spend an awful lot of brain space harping back to the positives in the past. It’s funny how selective memory swipes out the grotty bits: hangovers, loneliness, disappointments to name but a few.

Yes my skin was firmer and my resilience stronger but youth was on my side. That Karen had her pluses and I’m thankful to her for shaping me. It’s not like I’ve said goodbye. I’m still that Karen, just with a little more learning, growing and years to reflect on.

So, am I right to expend energy aspiring to the new me? Planning. Dreaming. Visualising. Is it the healthier of the two, to look forward and not back?

It certainly drives me to be better. Having a goal and a big picture to work towards motivates me, gives me a spring in my step and a plan Stan! What’s not to love? Surely forward-facing to the future is a healthy consumption of brain power?

Today as I trampled the muddy trails of the forest I decided I spend too much time with old Karen and new Karen. So much so that I forget to just be in the present – happy with where I am right now. And I determined that the right here, right now is pretty darned good – despite the craziness, despite the challenges, despite it all.

I think past and future Karen would’ve enjoyed the 12 kilometres of forest with me. They’d have loved the long, hot soak in the bath with a cat perched fishing for my toes. They’d have gobbled my Jamie Oliver inspired lunch with just as much glee. That’s the thing about past and future Karen – they’ve got very similar tastes.

Today’s win: shelving past Karen and muting future Karen to just enjoy the here and now.

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Do you often take mindful moments? How do you keep the focus on the present? Are you a past and future dweller too? I’d love to hear from you with any mindful tips!