I love my Fridays. I love my boy. I love having this time at home with him. But I really love having some time and space to just be Karen, rather than Harry’s mummy.
I’ve dropped him off at bootcamp as Daddy calls it and I know throughout the day I will have many moments where there is a gaping hole in my day. I’ll reach for his hand when crossing the road. I’ll smile as something reminds me of him – like another mum wrestling with her toddler. I’ll coo as I scroll my phone hearting this week’s favourite photos. But ultimately, those few hours will whizz by like someone is speeding up the time space continuum at my expense.
I don’t take this day off lightly. It’s not exactly cheap sticking him in day care but as much as it is for me, I genuinely feel it’s as important that he gets time to hang out with people his size and without me. Which leads me neatly in to my top three for this week. Sometimes it’s easy to say thank you for the little things; to show how grateful you are with a smile or a kiss and then you move on. But often it’s the massive things can go unappreciated. Nursery is so routine for us now that I can sometime take for granted the financial sacrifice my hubby makes every month to allow me time out. So this week is the big three things I’m extremely grateful for.
One – Conception
This one is massive. Like, new-life-world-keeps-turning-population-keeps-growing massive. The more amazing mums I follow on Instagram, the more I realise how unbelievably lucky we were with our journey to conceive. I’m not saying it was without heartache but five months was all it took.
When you’ve spent your adult life panicking over an unexpected, booze-fuelled pregnancy with the morning-after pill at the ready, who’d have thought it was actually so hard to get pregnant.
The first time I saw those two lines it was heart-stopping. It was happening. There were two hearts beating in my body. And that explained why I was an over-emotional, psychopathic nut-job with really sore boobs. It wasn’t meant to be and I was shell-shocked by the loss of my not-yet-baby at 9 weeks. I drifted through the next few weeks, throwing myself in to work and hell, even into school residential the week after, focusing on fun with forty Year Sixes and no sleep!
I’m stoic now. It wasn’t meant to be but makes falling five months later with the healthy little bean that is Harry, something to be even more eternally grateful for.
The stars aligned. The moon shone bright. He makes me marvel at the magic of biology. He’s my super-moon baby. I am so grateful that my body gave him a home and all he needed to be the feisty little whirlwind we are blessed with today. I am so grateful that, even with the loss we faced, we were able to have this second chance so quickly. I am grateful that I have never had to suffer the agony of one blue line again and again; the waiting; the hope dashed; the rollercoaster of IVF. To those maybe mummas, I am in awe of your strength.
Two – Health
We all have niggles. Yes, I can only run with the aid of Tena Lady. Yes, I have had high blood pressure since my twenties. Yes, I get really bad indigestion thanks to a cheeky hiatus hernia from pushing a 7lb 3 bubba out with only gas and air. But there’s nothing that keeps me awake at night. There’s nothing that casts a shadow over my daily dalliances. For my health I am truly grateful.
It really brought it home to me today, seeing one of my oldest friends who has taken a cancer diagnosis and tackled it with dignity, bravery and a strength I don’t know if I would possess in her situation. Hearing her talk with such calm and positivity made me the proudest friend. She is truly a warrior and an inspiration. It made me appreciate how fragile a thing out health is. Whilst it’s not my place to discuss her experience, I will say: BLOODY CHECK YOUR BOOBS AND YOUR BITS PEOPLE.
Three – Husband
We fall out. We negotiate the minefield that is shared responsibility of a home, a budget and a little person. I drive him mad. He drives me mad. Harry drives us both mad. But I couldn’t be luckier.
I am grateful to have a best friend that I really fancy. I am grateful that he trusts me enough to have a credit card, given my propensity to spend… and spend. I am grateful that even when I don’t like the answer, he will always be 100% honest with me (there’s no sugar-coating sh*t in our household).
I truly don’t know what I’d do without him bar less washing and cleaning. Mostly I am grateful of the best gift I could’ve asked for. Part him and bigger part me (two divas under our roof – poor man) I am so proud of the father he’s become. Mostly I’m grateful I went on one last internet date before giving up and swearing off men altogether. He was and is my one.
Whilst I’m pretty good at appreciating the little things it’s been good to pause and go “yep, I’m pretty darned lucky.” Now I get to go and pick up the little wild thing I am most grateful for in the history of all things grateful – happy Friday.
What are you most grateful for? Who or what can you say a massive thank you for today? How do you show gratitude? Is it grand gestures or more subtle? Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. For that I am massively grateful. Karen xx