Morning all! Happy Friday! It’s a dull and damp day here in Essex and has me longing for the verdant days of Spring. Give it another month and I should be doing the Friday nursery drop off in the daylight. To sit out in the garden on my day of freedom would be an absolute dream.
Instead, I have the heating ramped up and a hot coffee in hand. I’m taking it easy today as yesterday was a bit fraught – trying to navigate rush hour tubes back from town with the big pram was not a breeze. People were literally sitting on Harry’s lap to get through the closing central line doors – seriously, c’mon!
I also wanted to take a bit of time to process the appointment I had. For those who follow me on Instagram, you may well know that I saw a gynae-guru consultant. Mr Keheller was amazingly calm and reassuring as we discussed the options around sorting out my leaky pipes!
Discussing Harry’s birth with him, it’s no wonder I have some residual health issues. It was fast, furious and frankly a bit brutal. Are there other mums who wish they’d asked more questions about labour and delivery? It was all such a haze. I feel there’s so much that I don’t understand about the complications: why his heart rate was dropping so significantly, why we were both prepped for an emergency c-section and why this never happened. I’ve let it go as he’s here and he’s fabulous and healthy and wonderful but when reviewing the post-birth issues I have, it leaves me unsettled and unsatisfied.
Nevertheless – I am attempting to sort my problems so that I can run without the aid of Tena once more. First step is to retry a not-so surgical option. However, my gynae-guru did talk about the potential of a hysterectomy. I know there’s no point in crossing that bridge until we need to, but the finality of this has really hit me today. My womb is where I lost my first bubba. My womb is where I grew Harry from a little bean in to a bouncing 7lb3 beautiful boy. My womb is where no more babies will grow. It left me feeling a little sad and empty. No more babies.
Then I gave myself a kick up the arse (metaphorically – I’m not that flexible) and reminded myself that a) I’m not having major surgery yet. b) I am not necessarily having a hysterectomy. c) I am not having any more babies anyway. If I’d been ten years younger when I met Chris there may have been a number two bubba but at forty-two, I haven’t got the bounce back – sleep deprivation sucks and I don’t really want to be dragging my uterus around behind me (there’s an image – as ever, sorry for the prolific over-sharing).
So today I decided to embrace the happy memories, forget the dud bladder-trampoline I possess and give you my top three things about having a new baby.
One – The Sounds
At the ripe old age of two and a half, Harry already has far too much to say for himself. He’s picking up phrases left, right and centre that both tickle and horrify me in equal measure. Do I really say that? He can’t be echoing me?
But… when he was a newborn, those sounds… The gurgles. The squeaks. The sniffles. The sighs. The growls. The whimpers. The hiccups. I could sit and watch videos all day. In fact, I did just get distracted and watched every video from his first two months of being. How many of you have now paused your reading to have a quick scroll back through your archives to immerse yourself in those precious noises from your little bundle of love? If you haven’t – do it, time well spent. You’ll feel all mushy, warm and fuzzy. The day’s tantrums and tiaras will be forgotten in the innocence of your newborn. Granny Mo – bets on you watch every video from the first six months!
Two – The Naps
Let’s get real here. Sleep is in short supply with a newborn. Nighttime becomes daytime becomes night for those first few heady months of milk, poop, wail and gurgle. Yet there’s one thing they excel at. Napping. As I fight to hang on to the toddler lunchtime nap, I think back to the glory days. When every couple of hours they would doze off – wherever they were, whatever you were doing. You couldn’t move, breathe or do anything that might wake them. So you just joined them. My sofa became my bed. And boxsets were ploughed through. It wasn’t necessary to mentally and physically exhaust them. You didn’t need to drive them around for an hour or walk the block ten times to get them to nod off. They just napped. Glorious!
As I trample over yet more train track and trip over yet another tractor strewn on the floor, I look back to those days of calm, quiet cuddles with a warm glow about me.
Three – The Firsts
It’s a massively proud parent moment when you witness your little person doing something for the first time. Everyday there’s a new experience or word or skill. As exciting as it is to see Harry attempt to swim without support in his armbands or scale the netting solo in the playground, nothing beats the early days.
From this helpless bundle who is dependent on you for everything, your heart implodes when you see them roll for the first time; sit up without assistant, pull themselves up; put their dummy in their mouth for themselves… You’d think it had never been done before by the rapturous outpourings of amazement and praise that spill from your mouth. “You are so clever my darling. Well done. You did that all by yourself. Mummy and Daddy are so proud!” Give this child an Oscar, a medal, a knighthood… He picked up a ball! Whoop!
Isn’t that what it’s all about though. Each milestone they meet reaffirms you are doing your job. And sod how quickly Brenda down the road’s Billy managed to do it. He may have been pole-vaulting at six months but each child on their journey, meeting milestones in their time should be celebrated for their achievements. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.‘
My advice to you today. Take ten minutes. Go back through photo albums or scroll your phone. Look at the journey you have taken your little people on – whether they are two or twelve. Feel proud of the person you have grown. Broody – me? Nahhhh! Happy Friday folks!
What was the milestone you were most proud of your child achieving? What do you love about newborns? Would you do it all again?